The dream:
My aim in life from my 9th Standard has been to become a Civil servant. Why 9th Standard specifically? That was the time when I was on a high.A high that seems unimaginable now.I used to be a good student back then. What separated me from the others, was my thirst for knowledge amply supplanted by my father who made it a point to correct me whenever he could.
I had just entered a new school for my father thought that it was better to shift to a new school as the former wasn’t focussed enough on studies. This led to some heartburning for me as it led to new group of friends and having to forget my old set of friends.
Although I did not have much friends, my love for General Knowledge books kept me in good company and it was the sole reason for my success in a State level Science Quiz Competition.I came second in the Competition after some intense competition. I got to meet the District Collector who appreciated me.
That was the first time that I made the decision to become a Civil Servant. Although good at studies, I made the quirky decision to join the Commerce group for I thought why to waste time studying sciences when you get to study relevant and comparitively easier stuff in the Commerce group.

My tryst with Commerce:
A very good decision it appeared at that time. And it would have become a good decision had I not wavered from the decision.
I excelled in my Higher secondary exams and secured a seat in the top college for Commerce in South India. I simultaneously enrolled for a professional course as was the wont of my collegemates. I excelled in my College too which prompted me to go for my Civil services dream.

My ongoing journey to becoming a Civil servant:
My dream to join Civil services started in 2009 when I decided that self study won’t take me anywhere and Delhi was the place to be to realise my Civil services dream.
I joined Rau’s Ias and had to pay 1.5 Lakhs and then some for their coaching. I did this based solely on their much vaunted advertisements in Competition magazines.
And then after being in Delhi for about 6 months, I realised I was becoming a notes taking machine and nothing was moving forward in my preparation.I resolved to move back to my hometown and continue to pursue my dream.
My first attempt in 2010:
This was a good move but I was naive to think that just material and self study would help me sail through this exam. Strategy is a crucial part to ace this exam. At this time I came to be addicted to Computer Games which has stayed with me for long. Considering all this I did extremely well to not only write the Mains exam but also came within 17 marks to make interview stage.
Having waited a whole 5 months for my Mains Result , I was extremely disappointed to know that I had not made it to the Interview list. I still had the Final stage to finish in professional course – Company Secretary. I resolved to complete my professional course and then take up my Civil Services dream next year ie., 2012.
In hindsight this proved to be a mistake for Upsc’s back breaking move had not yet set its sights on Optionals in 2011 and my strategy set in 2010 would have been relevant in 2011.
My Second attempt in 2012: Although i did not have the luxury of time thanks to a very uncooperative trainer (training for Cs course)I prepared for my second attempt as hard as I could (from July 20 to October 15) and corrected all the mistakes that I consciously made in 2010.But it was the start of Upsc’s Back breaking move and I suffered because of selective slaughtering of Public administration, my second optional.
I still got an interview call thanks to my above average performance in other subjects where I met my nemesis -Rajni who has the habit of awarding very less or very high marks . Unfortunately I was awarded very less which led to my non selection.
My third attempt in 2013: From the start I was in no mood to study, for I could not recover from the disappointment of not being in the final list of Upsc. Yet I could have made it past the preliminary stage had I gone into the exam hall without a cut off mindset and had revised the basics. Thus I couldnt even clear the Preliminary stage.
Meanwhile having lived off my parents’ resources all my life, I resolved to write other exams with principal focus on Rbi and Sebi.Some of the other exams that I wrote were Group 2 exam of State Public Service Commission (worked for 7 months and resigned as it was getting too hectic) Ssc-Cgl (couldn’t qualify), Ibps -Po (Qualified and allotted Indian Overseas Bank but didn’t join), Capf -Assistant Commandant ( couldn’t qualify), Sebi.
My fourth attempt in 2014: This attempt is being interspersed with my practice as Company Secretary and Rbi Grade B preparation.I made it to the Mains Stage somehow, but couldnt clear it.

And that’s the end of my Civil Services dream.

Advertisements